Let me start by saying, I will not set goals that are unrealistic. This year, I will set them based on where God is leading me and not where people "want" me to be. I don't want to be apart of "the crowd". So this year, I want to focus on doing things God's way.
Having peace in God.
I have been a stay-at-home mom now for a year and a half and I am still not at peace. My husband is a sole provider and because I have a helping spirit, I always want to help him. My form of help is financial help. Not in a takeover kind of way but in a way that my husband feels he's not in it alone. Taking some of the stress and responsibility from him is important to me. I never would have thought that by me actually being home is helping everyone more. See, with me working, he always had to accommodate my schedule AND the kids schedule. My being home gives him the freedom to work with less stress, which then allows him to be a more involved Dad. My kids also love having me home Mommy always treats! Anyone can look at me and say "You don't have to work...and you want to?" Yes. I want to work! Wait! I am working! I am contributing, even though it doesn't always feel like it. Everyone has more peace, except for me. But, I know this is where I am supposed to be.
Let God have control in my life.
I was reading Acts chapter 12 today. Peter was in prison and while the church prayed for him, he slept. He slept!! In the middle of squad soldiers, locked in chains, Peter slept. I asked myself, why was he able to sleep with all that going on around him? Here's the thing.... I have control issues! I don't know who doesn't honestly.There are many days that I have lost sleep in 2015 over someone or something that went wrong. I am learning that even the bad things turn out for me good. As I read, I realized that Peter was free in Jesus - that's how he was able to sleep. This year, I want to die to my flesh and give it ALL to Jesus - my heart, soul and mind. I can only control what part I play. The part I play is to give God control. Giving Him total control requires that He can no longer compete with the prison cell or the chains in my mind.
Receive God's forgiveness and letting go of hurt.
This is very personal for me. I have to constantly remind myself that God is a forgiving God. I pray sincerely for His mercy and forgiveness daily. In receiving God's forgiveness, I am learning to forgive others more, how to let go. Lately, I have found myself in a sea of tears. I stand strong for what is right, but I find that often leaves me misunderstood. Feeling like my feelings are disregarded. "OH NO, DON'T HAVE FEELINGS!!!", it seems like people around me say. At these times, it's always good talking with my best friend. She is just like me. She has a way about her where I can say what I feel and always be understood. Something she said to me today: "It's good to let go..." There is nothing wrong with having feelings, the problem comes when we start believing them all the time. There is beauty and freedom in letting go.
God's temple: Body and Spirit
The entire 2015, I seemed to have been on a search to "feeling" better. I have battled with weight gain, back and sciatic nerve pain, migraines... the list goes on. I'm a mess! My entire life, I’ve felt that I need to look better, lose weight so that others can see me in a different light. Really Kisha? That is the most self-centered thing I've ever admitted to. God deserves better than that. Loving God requires change. It requires a renewed mind. I refuse to go to another doctor about something I can help. I am making up in my mind to have respect, love and appreciation for the body God gave me, no matter what shape my body is in. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Giving my body to the Lord as "a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God.” What exactly does that look like? Use my body as a tool of ministry. Who can afford to be sick? I know I can't. The good thing is that our bodies are designed to self-repair and self-heal. Isn't that wonderful news!? Spiritually, I cannot defile my body. How can the spirit dwell in something unclean? I am not talking about tattoos here. I am saying is, I must treat my body as a place of worship.
And there you have it! I am making serious life changes. And even if I fail today, this week, this month or this year, I am given a new beginning, in spite of my failures. Thank Jesus for that!