22 June 2017

Rebuilding trust in your marriage

Hey y'all!

We took a week off for a much needed vacation. You can read about it in my next post.  We are back and well rested! Did you miss me!? lol

I came back wanting to talk to you about trust. Trust is something that I struggle with tremendously.  Not just in my marriage, but in all of my relationships. Yes, I have issues y'all. But this is a no judgement zone and we are going to be real about this thang.

I would like to consider my marriage to be solid.  My husband has never cheated and never gave me a reason to feel that he has. So we are not talking about trust due to infidelity here.  We are talking about TRUSTING period. So I want to tell you a story about how my trust issues began in my marriage.

Back in 2007, when I married, I was a confused.  Before marriage, I knew that Ashon was my husband before the courting process started, but still felt that we both needed time before jumping in.  When he proposed to me, Ashon was planning to attend law school. Not really knowing where, we had our eyes on the University of Florida.  It was simple. We both discussed that he would attend since he’d already received his Master’s Degree there and we both were very well established in Gainesville.  The simple choice was to stay put and that’s what we agreed to do.

He applied to University of Florida, Creighton, Hofstra and University of Denver and was accepted to all of them.
  He was put on a waiting list at the University of Florida.  Even then, I knew he would be accepted to UF so I didn’t feel the need to worry.
Ashon didn’t want to wait. He had offers. But my hope was leaning towards UF. I knew that UF was his top choice but I could tell he was devastated to not have been chosen immediately.  After discussing it with his parents, he chose Hofstra in Hempstead, NY.  He proceeded on and paid the necessary fees and accepted their offer.   A few months in, he received notice that UF had in fact, offered him a seat.  I was stoked and I knew he would accept the offer at UF.

He declined it and I couldn’t for the life of me understand why.
  I asked him. He said he had already accepted his seat and paid the fees to attend Hofstra. WHAT?!  In my head, that was the craziest thing I had ever heard.  I said but you ARE HERE! Like, right here at UF!!  Why would you pick up and leave and move to and other part of the country? The money that you lost can be made up by not moving. And that's when he said it... He said, "I just want to go". 
He actually wanted to go.

From the conversations that we've had in the past, he only expressed to me that he wanted to attend UF. So there it was, he made the decision to go as a single man.  An unmarried man.  A man who I then felt, didn’t have any clue what he wanted.  So how can you say you want to marry me and not consider me when making such a big decision?  There was no way, at that point trust him to make decision for me or my son.  All the trust I had in him was gone.

ME: Am I to leave my support system, and move across the country to be with a man who had no idea how to make a sound decision or even keep his word?

I made it clear that I was not to leave and move away.
  And told him that we would have a 3-year engagement until he completed law school.  Long story short, he left and I was devastated.  Why? Because he allowed outsiders to come in and influence his decision. 

His immediate family.
The trust that was lost was the beginning to a 10-year battle.

So how do you overcome a year struggle of trust issues? Take my advice and deal with it as soon as possible.
  Don’t allow it to grow and fester into bitterness and resentment.

Remove all outsiders who don’t have your best interest at heart – as one. 
This alone keeps confusion out of your marriage.  This is where it all starts. Your spouse should know that they can count on you. If you are committed to a decision, stick to it.  That may mean not talking about it with others outside of your marriage.  You’ll often find a ton biased opinions. Most of those opinions won’t be fair to your spouse. If you read Matthew 19:6, Jesus addressed this when he said that no one was to ever come between a husband and a wife. No one! And no thing.  No mother or father was meant to divide the covenant with each other.  Failure to shift your loyalty, especially if the other spouse has done so, will cause issues in your marriage.  Make sure your actions and what you say, line up. This is all about trust. Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. It requires that both parties have patience.  When your actions line up with what you say, it becomes much easier for the offended to break down those walls. This is where I’ve drawn a line in the sand.  Have you ever heard the saying “You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water”? Well this is it! Showing that your actions will line up with what you say is step one of taking responsibility of your actions.  This is something my husband has displayed in the last month or so.  It’s been good seeing the effort. Lastly, PRAY! Pray without ceasing!

In short, rebuilding and reconnecting can be fun. Be okay with being open with each other.  Make trust your happy place again.
Note to self: You are worth the sacrifice.

05 June 2017

Get your feet off the ground and into the trees at TreeUmph!

Happy Monday!!

So we were presented with an amazing outdoors opportunity for our family to take part in. We are so desperately in need of a fun family outing. So when we were contacted by TreeUmph! via US Family Guide, I was so excited. 

*This post was sponsored by US Family Guide and TreeUmph!.*

TreeUmph! is an adventure course located in Bradenton, FL not too far from where we currently live. It's the first treetop obstacle course in Southwest Florida. I don't think I've ever heard of a treetop course until recently.  You can also Zipline, which is something I've always wanted to do.

Look forward to a full day of climbing, zipping, swinging and soaring in a beautiful vertical playground which offers a bird's eye view of fun with exciting challenges! The aerial courses ranging in difficulty and height, adventurers work their way through intricate obstacles that test your balance and ignite your passion for action and adventure. Be prepared for a serious workout! It's an safe and healthy outdoor adventure is perfect for kids, families, groups and even team-building business retreats!

The Nesbitt's would like to invite you to enjoy a day at TreeUmph! Adventure Course so that you can experience all the thrills for yourself.

Fast Facts:

* Expansive park over 10 football fields in size!
* Hanging nets, wobbly bridges, Tarzan ropes & more
* Triumphant 650-foot-long ZIP line
* 100 treetop obstacles from beginner to extreme
* Built to the highest safety standards in the industry
* Spend your day with at TreeUmph! - Courses take 3 to 4 hours!

$5 OFF Each Ticket on Weekday Bookings! - Adventure awaits you on each thrilling obstacle and ZIP line! Visit and book now with promo code USFG2 to get $5 OFF each ticket! Offer valid on all regularly priced tickets booked online for visits Monday through Friday. Located at S.R. 70 E, Bradenton, FL - 10 mins. East of I-75.

We hope you join us!


01 June 2017

Healthier Choice Spaghetti

Two things are currently happening right now.  Reconnecting and Renewing. As we’re taking this time away from being “busy bodies”, there are a few things we wanted to incorporate.  One, strengthening our bond with our kids one by way of traditional family dinners. You know, talking, laughing and learning about each other’s day.  Two, living healthier by exercising and better choices with our food selections.  Ashon and I both have made so many excuses over the years as to why we couldn’t stick with the day-to-day.  Too busy. Too expensive. Not enough time to plan. The kids wouldn’t like it. You get! We pretty much made every excuse not to do it.

When Ashon called me from the grocery store saying “Hey, we are doing it. We are starting today. No more excuses…” Kind of conversation had me with a “Awww HECK!” kind of look.  Look, I love food! And I want it to always taste good.  But because he was totally on board, I knew at that moment, I needed to get my mind in check. I wasn’t convinced that it would even taste good.  Are you like me, thinking that most healthy foods are super nasty? If so, we kin.
When I could finally see what he picked out, after returning home, I saw that he picked out Mueller’s Hidden Veggie thin spaghetti and Bertolli’s Organic tomato & basil sauce. I didn’t hesitate. I looked at the nutrition facts on the back of each item and I immediately started cooking!
But I began to talk to God…
“God, please let this taste better than it looks. You know how I am, if it’s nasty, I WILL not buy this again! I need you to meet me half way…”
Then I turned to smile at my dear husband. Why? Because I knew he was trying.

Genesis 9:3 "Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything." Dad prayed over dinner and the kids can’t wait to dig in.  And IT WAS SO GOOD Y'ALL!! It was at that moment I realized is that God intended to bless our bodies and to provide us with nourishment.  He never intended on food to be nasty. 
Ecclesiastes 9:7 "Go then, eat your bread in happiness and drink your wine with a cheerful heart; for God has already approved your works.” God intended food to be our happiness. Not to abuse it or make it more than what we have made it.  It's been approved to enjoy life... food included!

My Mood: Eat. Drink. Live. Enjoy. Be Happy.

The best part about this dinner… The kids had no idea they were eating healthy. Ha!

Note to self: Take this journey one day at a time. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be intentional and choose joy in all things. Even food.